Warning: Satire ahead
Many parents are concerned that their kids could grow up to be poorly adjusted socially after COVID-19.
The kind of school a kid goes to of course can have a massive impact on their socialization and how well-adjusted they are when they enter adulthood. So, to prevent their kids from being total weirdos who don’t know how to relate to another human being and aren’t scared of their own shadows, more parents are reportedly opting to homeschool.
“I’d like to send my kid to public school, but I just don’t want him turning out to be a giant weirdo,” said stay-at-home mom Brigitte Lettucey after seeing a picture online of kids doing the “zombie walk” to make sure they stay far enough away from other humans. “I think we’ll just homeschool for now. At least then I can make sure he’s not a germophobic, frightened little freak for the rest of his life.”
As more schools make their kids stay in isolated pods and wear face masks and train them to be scared of their own shadows, trends seem to indicate that many parents are ensuring their kids are happy, well-adjusted, and not forever developmentally harmed by being trained to always obey authorities and be frightened forever.
“Besides, I don’t want them getting brainwashed with all that weird fundamentalist cultic propaganda,” Lettucey said. “You know, the CRT stuff.”
A version of this article was originally published by The Babylon Bee on August 27, 2021. Reprinted with permission.