Warning: Satire ahead.
U.S.—The SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) has struck down Biden’s vaccine mandates on the grounds that they are unconstitutional. Experts say this sets a dangerous precedent of letting individuals make their own medical decisions.
“What am I supposed to do now that I don’t have private companies working with the Federal government to force me to inject a foreign substance into my body?” said Linda Waddlebum, a concerned mother of six cats. “So dangerous and short-sighted. How will I stay healthy? I don’t even recognize this America anymore.”
In response to the court’s decision, a large group of protestors has gathered outside of the Supreme Court building. “Pfizer knows best! What they inject, I can’t object!” they chanted while ripping up copies of the constitution. “Give us petty tyranny or give us death! Abolish the Supreme Court!”
“You can’t give people choices! What if they make the wrong one? One that isn’t what I wanted them to do?” said Waddlebum. “Next thing you know, people will decide to send their kids back to school and return to work in person without masks.”
At publishing time, people were dangerously continuing on with their lives making the best medical decisions possible for themselves and their families. They were even able to make these decisions without fear of losing their livelihood.
A version of this article was originally published by The Babylon Bee on January 13, 2022. Reprinted with permission.