HomeRights, Justice, and Culture NewsBiden Announces U.S. Surrender To Chinese Balloon (Satire)

Biden Announces U.S. Surrender To Chinese Balloon (Satire)

Biden Announces U.S. Surrender To Chinese Balloon, after U.S. Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) tries to engage the balloon, and the balloon finishes its spy mission; Babylon Bee reports. (Satire)

WORLD — In a surprise statement to the world from the White House Situation Room, President Biden has announced America’s unconditional surrender to the Chinese Spy Balloon.

“Listen, folks, it’s over,” said Biden as a single tear ran down his face. “We’re outgunned here. There’s no hope that we can match the awesome power of this giant balloon.”

Biden’s voice was drowned out by the dozens of weeping journalists gathered outside the room.

“I urge you all to hug your loved ones and embrace your children, for the end is near. God help us all,” Biden finally said before signing off for the last time.

At publishing time, Americans had been urged by the administration to start learning Mandarin.

Originally published by The Babylon Bee. Republished with permission.

More Bee Balloon coverage: ‘Why, Hello There Beautiful!’ Says Eric Swalwell Suavely Approaching Sexy Chinese Spy Balloon; Biden Says He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Spy Balloon As Soon As He’s Done Letting It Spy; Chinese Launch Spy Balloon Aimed At Unraveling The Secrets Of Classified Fork Technology.

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